Archives of Jade's Badassery
by Shrill-Tastic
Summary: Jade does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Sometimes, it really can get a bit out of hand if those around him aren't careful. These are such stories.
1. Chapter 1

Well, after my numerous failures I come back with a short yet funny Tales of the Abyss story. No OCs, just good old fashioned Jade humor. Honestly, Luke bitching isn't anything new however while trying to find Ion...Jade can't pass up the chance to have some /real/ fun. Guy just finds himself becoming a catalyst for disaster. Not that its a bad thing, but you'd think he'd be smarter then to ask something like that of Jade.

Extra A/N - Improved First Chapter~

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Bitching

You'd think everyone would get used to Luke's constant stream of complaints, but no you never did. There seemed to be only one that was immune to the frustration. He wore a smile on his face, however it was fake almost to the degree of mocking those who saw it. At Luke's latest whine of 'Does it have to be so damn hot?! Why aren't there any more people out here!?' the man spoke in his refined, sarcastic voice.

"Oh that's simple, they knew you were coming and moved as far away as their feet would carry"

The look on the boy's face? Wonderful, mainly due to the fact it took him a few moments to grasp what he was really saying. It was almost as refreshing as a cool cup of water. Perhaps, he should mention he could merely use a fonic arte and douse him in water. You know, if he kept it up it might be amusing to do such a thing.

Playing with the idea for a bit longer, a blond male was trying to explain to Luke that being such a distance from an Oasis it wasn't safe to live out there. When the red head had asked why /they/ had to go through this place he let out a sigh. "Luke, we have to travel this way. It's the fastest way on foot…" Hoping this would perhaps silence him, at least for a few moments he was instead met with more whining. Even if the red head was his best friend….

Couldn't he be a tad nicer?

An exasperated sigh came from him next, and he glanced at the oldest member of their small group. Moving a bit away from the group while Luke was being insulted by the three females of the group, he had a question for the Colonel…

"Do you have any Fonic Artes for water?"

Jade's usually false smile twitched, and Guy felt a certain fear. It was almost for a moment, he saw the man's true smile and it was terrifying.

"But of course, why do you ask?"

"Could you…make something to keep Luke quiet for a bit?"

"….Of course…Luke…? You were hot weren't you? Stand right there, I'll make you a refreshing drink…"

While everyone else caught on, the idiot Luke seemed quite happy about this only catching at the last moment that there was something amiss when he saw that familiar blue glow.

"Splash!"

A moment later, Luke was cursing up a storm now soaking wet, Guy was trying to keep his amusement in check while assisting Luke, and Jade…

Jade just smiled.

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Jade is so bad, yet at the same time the most awesome thing ever...

Well, I gotta go save a kitten! Seeya!


	2. Chapter 2

A new chapter! Now that it matters. I just felt like it would be fun adding something...

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"Sir?"

"Yes?~"

The sheer pleasantness to the man's voice could cause you to shiver. "I was wondering why we are doing this..." The man's smile just seemed to grow, before he turned his head back to the controls. "They are criminals, are you saying we shouldn't try to bring them to jusice?" The confused troop couldn't help, but press the matter even if he was worrying that he might end up skewered. "I meant, why are we chasing them with the Tartarus. We could easily capture them - they are just a carraige." Jade rose a hand to fiddle with his glasses, before heaving an over dramatic sigh. "I fear that we won't be catching them this time around." Of course this only led to more confusion. "Its just....." He trailed off, leaving suspense in his words. The troop leaned in - Jade silently thanked Lorelai for whatever force made people this easy - and the man turned with a face of absolute seriousness.

"Its too fun to chase them."

His point was proven as a carriage swerved to the side to avoid being crushed by their mighty ship, the one they happened to be chasing passing over the bridge before detonating it. Damn. What was he supposed to do to pass time? He left his post only to be faced with that whiny green bit- Fon Master Ion. "Colonel, I don't think you should be-" He tuned him out right about then nodding every few moments. He couldn't possibly be anymore boring. When free of his 'sand-in-my-vagina' antics, the Colonel continued on his way. They were stopping at some small town and hopefully there wouldn't be any problems. Hopefully.

One day later....

If there was a day when that lousy fon master wasn't going off on his own and getting into trouble, it certainly hadn't ever rolled around any time he could remember. So, now they were going to go find him. Anise had already left and it had been more then enough time if there wasn't any trouble. So, he now stood at the entrance waiting just a tad impatiently. He finally just followed the bodies of slain Ligers into the den to see them struggling with the mother. Two Fonic Artes later, everything was peachy. Once their task was done they were making to leave the forest only for the Colonel to turn and face the small group, a tiny grin on his face.

The ground shook as the man rose a hand to his mouth, "Kukuku...~" The Tartarus rose up behind him in the distance growing closer by the second as if aiming to crash into them. The sounds of earth being moved was growing louder. The massive ship stopped - suddenly - just barely inches from running over the still quietly laughing colonel.

Jade tilted his head to the side.

"If I hadn't mentioned earlier, your under arrest. Please come with me."

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Read and Review~!


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